Many of you know that before getting engaged to the Kitten, I had a modestly active dating life for about 15 years. During that time, I came to see the personal computer as my best friend in the pursuit of feminine company...here it was, the great playing field leveler! You see, I'm not the tallest, most athletic, or best looking fellow. I certainly wasn't making a butt ton of money as a naval officer (money being yet another leveler). But I could write. I could craft personal statements designed to maximize my opportunities with the kinds of women I wanted to meet, and better yet, who might actually want to meet me. My writing and the exposure granted by the internet were a perfect match
At times, I would read other guy's profiles to see what the competition was up to. It was always an exercise in literary ego stroking. Yes, yes, they had rippling muscles, they ice-climbed and bungee-cycled....but they couldn't write! Their prose was flat, they did not know how to romance a woman's mind. Whatever modest success I enjoyed on the dating scene was largely attributable to the foot in the door I was granted by internet dating.
It seems now that my decision to settle in with the Kitten was a good one. My competitive advantage is gone, gone forever. A new market of scribbler takes to the scene in order to help clueless, knuckledragging eco-trekkers rise to my level of internet poetry. DAMN THE UNFAIRNESS! I know there are schlubby 5'7" guys across the country who will have a little less spring in their step today, knowing that the internet will soon be just another crowded bar with inattentive women and bartenders who can't see them.
You need Barney
ReplyDeleteBarney Fife, Barney the Purple Dinosaur or Barney Stinson...the best damn wingman out there. Have you met my friend Ted?
ReplyDelete"Modestly active?" Oh, like Warren Buffet and Bill Gates are "modestly wealthy". Got it.
ReplyDeleteAlthough having found dating success in DC nearly over 35 years ago which pretty much plucked me from the dating scene anywhere since, I have been able to observe from the bleachers what appears to be one of the very finest dating scenes of anywhere in the country. If there are four better places, I'd sure like to see them. All that said, after reading the article (and as an avid hunter--please no innuendos about two-legged deer and the like), I am left to conclude that using a for-hire wing man in DC is akin to hiring a hunting guide at the zoo. Just how busy do you have to be to outsource the thrill of the chase?
ReplyDeleteSo does the gal who polishes your online dating profile also the one who teaches the fa... I mean, "plus sized" women how to use the right camera angles to minimize their bulk in their on-line photos?
ReplyDeleteglass half full my friend...since you are off the market, cash in!! $150 a pop could net you some nice pocket change...
ReplyDeleteHaving been an active participant in developing the decision-support-matrix for several of those on-line matches, I have to wonder if single syllable words would have sufficed.
ReplyDelete