Some of you with in-depth knowledge of my sordid pre-Kitten past know that I have been a connoisseur of on-line dating. Simply put, if you have single friends they are either 1) actively using on-line dating or 2) considering it. It really is a delightful marriage of technology and requirement--anyone with a busy life who wants to find amiable companionship should consider it. The Kitten and I met the old-fashioned way (introduced by friends), but both of us had been on Match.com and in analyzing the other's profile, we copped to being likely interested in the other one had we seen their profile (I had not seen hers as she was "geographically undesirable", she had not seen mine because she had specified "no trolls").
Along the way, I met, dated, and romanced some really wonderful women, including one with whom I spent four great years and now enjoy a special friendship.
But my experience was not all rosy--in the process, I came to become a minor expert in the field of analyzing women's profiles, at times thinking I could make some serious cash by producing a primer to navigate this sometimes strange world. Here's an interesting little blog entry from a guy who has put his thoughts down on some things women should avoid in their profiles. I'm not sure I agree with it all, but there is some common sense here.
In a public service to my female readers (all five of you) who may someday find yourselves in the dating market, I offer my own addendum to the linked to article above.
1. Do not use the word "sassy". Sassy does not mean opinionated, forthright, intelligent. It means pain in the ass.
2. Do not say "I'm not religious, I'm spiritual", unless you have a PhD in Divinity. Most people haven't a clue how to distinguish the two, and it makes you sound vapid.
3. If you're looking for a smart guy, don't cite "Women's Health", "People", or "In-Style" as the last thing you read. Don't say that you don't have time to read (make the time).
4. Use a current photo. Post a handful of current photos so that when you are met, you resemble in some way at least one of them. Another thing--post photos of you. No one cares about your dog, your cat, or the awesome sunrise over Moab. You're just wasting bandwidth. If every picture you post is a group shot, you are suggesting a lack of confidence. And if every photo you post is a drunken scene from Senor Frogs or some other adult fraternity party, you'll get exactly what you're looking for in a man.
5. Don't say "my kid(s) mean everything to me and come first". That is understood. At least give the guy the opportunity to think he isn't fighting for second place from the get-go.
6. If you are approaching an age in which you believe that you should have children with alacrity, say so. There are lots of guys out there who want to be fathers. Don't hide this, it will only cause trouble down the road.
7. Be positive.
Please do your readership a service and post your profile as it appeared on Match.com back in the pre "current relationship" (I refuse to fall into this "Kitten" tomfoolery) days.
ReplyDeleteIt was a masterpiece.
Sordid was not the word you were looking for.
ReplyDeleteNo Fred...it looks pretty good.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, I, too, would like to see the masterpiece of marketing and wit that was CW's profile.
ReplyDeleteAnd I disagree with Fred... I'm pretty sure that "sordid" was the correct choice. Unless, of course, he was describing the 1995-97 era.
I believe it described how Bryan could defend a ship, write a poem and change a baby? That's what I recall... Rousing stuff! And all true :)
ReplyDeleteMany thanks, dear friend.
ReplyDeleteI think I am still under a Non-Disclosure Statement agreement with Bryan, and thus not allowed to share the analysis that took place within our JTAMDO stateroom.
ReplyDeleteSuffice it to say, in addition to the "Peaches," "Flames," and "Exclamation Points" included as icons for various Match.com profiles, Bryan should have been able to tag some of his matches with a skull and crossbones.