I have fond memories of watching M*A*S*H as a kid. One of them is how much time Hawkeye spent complaining about the mud of Korea. Well, I think I now know of what he speaks.
Many of you know I live on a farm on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. The farm has a long lane extending up from the street, a lane presumably comprised of gravel. In the summer, the lane is a dusty mess, instantly turning even the cleanest car into a filthy shadow of its former self. Time and inattention has rendered the lane less gravelly and more dusty than it ought to be (the care of the lane is not the Kitten's responsibility nor mine). The incessant snow of this winter, in addition to aggressive plows, has also taken its toll.
We are now left with a lane that is almost totally mud. This includes the once gravel circular drive in front of our house. There is no place for one to park without instantly stepping into several inches of gooey icky mud. It is demoralizing, especially when one has recently purchased a new automobile. The tires are muddy, the wheelwells are muddy, there is mud along the length of the car and there is mud all over the ridiculously expensive rubber mats I purchased to cover the ridiculously expensive plush carpet underneath. I find myself having to aggressively maneuver the car simply to make it through the accumulated muck without getting stuck.
There is, on our farm, an inherited aversion to blacktopped farm lanes. I won't mention any names, but I happen to be one of the very few full-time inhabitants of any of the dwellings on our little peninsula who would like the lane to be blacktop. Some of the others think blacktop is "for
Washington people", those who have gobbled up the old family estates along the water here for their weekend entertainment, much to the chagrin of the locals. One might even speculate that clinging to gravel is a way of clinging to a past long gone by. I don't know why blacktop has such a bad rap here, but I'm all for it.
I've developed a rewarding relationship with a local carwash. Rewarding for the owners of the carwash, at least. For the low, low price of $26.00, I can have a squad of dubiously credentialed "guest workers" (ahem) descend upon my beautiful, but muddy automobile, and in a matter of minutes, she is returned to showroom glory--chrome gleaming, tires Armor-alled, the faint odor of new car smell once again wafting through the cabin. I am made whole by the Wet Dog Car Wash, at least until my next trip down the lane.
American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 authorized $47B for Transportation Infrastructure. Given your adoptive membership in the collectivist colony of Mary's Land, shouldn't you be able to lobby Mikulski or Cardin, or, even Kratovil, to funnel a little bit to your lane? Might also help if you rename it "Main Street."
ReplyDeleteIf they demure, although not in your district, perhaps you can gain an audience with Steny Hoyer, who is pretty tight (some might say "smitten") with former Baltogirl née Nancy D'Alessandro, aka SOTU Jack in the Box, aka Mme Speaker. If you hurry, you might even get them to put solar lighting and a few wind turbines along the lane as well. Maybe even an ACORN tree.
If CW gets this funding, stand by, readers, for not only the new logo but a new title: "The Politically Cavalier: The Musings of a Fellow Who Just Doesn't Let Things Get to Him Anymore"
All because of a little country mud.
Maybe you get get Anne Coulter to come sling some of that mud off your lane.
ReplyDeleteSo the mud is actually helping small businesses.
ReplyDeleteWashing salt off of my car in Chicago is becoming a pain. Salt makes the road safe and destroys your car.
Ah, the travails of a country gentleman. Most people just don't realize what Jag owners go through. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteDon't hate, Hammer.
ReplyDeleteThat's what you get when city mouse moves to the country. Kinda like the "Lake Person" near here who complained at church that the cows were peeing in the Lake just over the property line from his dock. I asked him, "Bill, did you not look over that fence before you bought the house?"
ReplyDeleteIncidentally, around here if your farm road is gravel, it qualifies to remain in land use for taxation. When you pave it, you run the risk of having it taxed like the acre your house sits on, at full value. Paved "lanes" get pricey.
$26 for a carwash? I can probably buy the local carwash for that.
Some of the Lake People who bought waterfront lots on the "hot side," aka the cooling ponds for the North Anna Nuclear Power Station, bitch that their lake water is too warm...hello? Nuclear power plant? Way it works is steam turbines? Purpose for the lake is to cool said reactor? Cold water in...hot water out? You wanted a cheaper lot on the hot side? Helloooo? They didn't build this lake just so you could jetski Poindexter!
ReplyDeleteGreat for waterfowl hunting though..hot side almost never freezes. Ducks and geese like to keep their little webbed feets warm. Serves em up by the dozen. Note: Lake People also don't care for hunters...too much noise too early for civilized living...too bad. We were here first.
"I don't know why blacktop has such a bad rap here, but I'm all for it."
ReplyDeleteThat's right. I'll bet those dumb bumpkins also have aversions to high rises and shopping malls and subway lines and corporate parks. All so they can have their idyllic little unspoiled agrarian society. Once you get that black top, you can get on to building all the other comforts of the home you left to move there.
Of course, I'd have to do the math, but I have this nagging suspicion that it would be cheaper to have just stayed where you already had all those "necessities."
Do you have the calf high green rubber "Wellies" boots that HRH Prince Charles sports when he rolls large in the moors? Money.
ReplyDeleteBig Fred--thank you for adding something worthwhile to this discussion dominated by cretins.
ReplyDeleteYou could also wear a skirt like Prince Charles. It would better fit someone worried about a little dirt getting on her mani, sorry, his manicure.
ReplyDelete