The Hammer's College Football Review: Week 14

I know, this probably reminds you of that lap-dance you get every time the squeeze visits her sister in Pittsburg. But this ain't Scores or Leave it to Beavers, no friends it's Kenan Stadium yesterday where the NC State Wolfpack gave those cheaten' scumbags from Carolina a well deserved thumping for the ages. Carolina was never in the game, a rout from start to finish and it couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of guys. But hey, we all feel bad for these young, nubile Physics majors (yeah right), and in their heart of hearts I know they wish they were Wolf Pack-ettes. I can tell because they're in the Wolf-Style position already.
Go to Hell Carolina!

Gosh, I feel so much better now! Ok, now on to REAL college football. Gee, sorry, one more thing before we get started, UVA blew it against arch-rival Virginia Polytechnic to put the cherry on top of their shit sundae of a season. Plus Mike London still has his gig! Dark days in Charlottesville and more to come I'm afraid. They got some issues up there I'm sure you're aware of, and they got nothing to do with sports. Good luck UVA, but if somebody screwed up just come clean, don't take the "Carolina way".

Ok, well we had a barn burner last evening in Tuscaloosa (they must not do Birmingham anymore). 'Bama's defense got smoked for 600+ yards and they still won the game! Auburn left a lot of points on the table with eight trips to the red-zone producing only two touchdowns (the Tide were five for five). But answer me this sports fans, has there ever been a team that plays .500 ball in their conference but could (and everybody agrees on this) beat anybody in the country on any given day? What team in college football would be more than a three point favorite against Auburn be it Oregon, Ohio State, any-damn-body? Auburn may very well lose to Oregon or Ohio State (hitting on all cylinders) but they would destroy Arizona or Arizona State, Wisconsin and any team in the ACC apart from FSU. I sound like a War Eagle fan and I'm not, I'm just saying this is a GREAT team with consistency problems, look for them next year!

Speaking of Ohio State, poor Urban Meyer must be in the Jack Black after yesterday. His second string quarterback JT Barrett has done a bang-up job but got his leg banged up pretty bad yesterday, good-bye season. Meyer has one game to prove he can get production out of a untried and untested Cardale Jones. The guy is supposedly a freak of nature so who knows? But Coach knows it'll be hard for the selection committee to give OSU a spot if they ain't got a quarterback. Wisconsin is certainly good enough to beat the Buckeyes whomever is quarterback, so we'll see. Better give this kid some reps Coach!

Ole Miss and Missississippi State went to war in Oxenforda yesterday and Bo Wallace had an ok game. I really like this guy, he's got a quick release (just like me or so says the wife) and a cannon for an arm but his accuracy sucks. If he could hit a bear in the ass with a bass fiddle just 50% of the time he'd be the second coming of Joe Namath. When he's on Ole Miss can beat anybody (ask Alabama) but it's always a 50/50 proposition. Anyway the Mississippi teams are done.

So, I know we have conference championship games next week but at this stage who's looking good? I'd have to say Oregon. They lost to Arizona back in early October but man I just don't see that happening again. Simply put they're a better team. So my first pick is Oregon.
Alabama will destroy Misery in my opinion. Look, Missouri ain't played nobody! They lost to Indiana for Pete's sake! Georgia destroyed them 34 zip and out of all those wins there's maybe three or four half-ass good teams (Arkansas, Texas A&M, South Carolina). Racking up Ws against Toledo and South Dakota State ain't gonna get 'er done against the Crimson Tide looking the trophy. Missouri is done, 'Bama is in.
Florida State of course. They win ugly but they win often. No way in hell Georgia Tech can hang! I love Tech's triple option offense but FSU will cut up that defense like a Christmas turkey.
So who gets the four spot, Ohio State, TCU or Baylor? Well that's the 64,000 dollar question ain't it? If Ohio State makes a good showing with their new quarterback (see above) well they're in. The selection committee wants a Big 10 school, the TV folks want it so hey, if it's a toss up OSU is good to go. But if they loose or look like shit I'd have to go with TCU. The Horny Frogs got a wicked offense that puts up numbers faster than Obama's debt clock. Look I know they stumbled against Baylor this year, and I wouldn't have a problem with Baylor getting in, I just think TCU is the better team. But what the hell do I know?

Well that's it, let's see how it shakes out. Now please, just leave me the hell alone.