The Hammer's College Football Roundup: Woche Funf

Did you catch Clemson and those papist bastards playing down in Death Valley last evening? What a frustrating game to watch. I'm not a Clemson fan but as you know my hierarchy of being (in descending order) is WolfPack, God, country, sports bar, family, ACC, vehicle. Come to think of it move 'vehicle' up a couple of spots. Anyway I'm a fan of just about anybody who's playing Notre Dame and last night I was crapping in high cotton (for three quarters anyway). Then Clemson lost their nerve. They tightened up and started playing NOT TO LOSE. We've all seen it a million times. The Tiger offense went from a balanced, slashing, yardage machine to a run left, run right and then try up the middle, predictable three and out machine. It was ridiculous. Notre Dame was down 21-3 going into the fourth quarter then the Tiger defense starting giving the Irish the two things a good offense needs, time and space, and the Roman scum took advantage. If not for a couple of late mistakes by the Irish, Clemson would have lost by ten. Note to Dabo, run your damn offense. Sitting on the ball with a quarter to go almost never works. It's boring, the kids aren't having fun and things can go to shit REAL QUICK. Clemson is DAMN lucky they won.

I think we can now say Flawda and Michigan are back. The Gators looked so good against #3 Ole Miss it was scary. UF quarterback Will Grier looked great, throwing for 270 yards and 4 touchdowns. In my humble opinion the only thing keeping these guys from being top five is their running game. Put it this way, Florida TEAM rushing after five games is 703, LSU back Leonard Fournette has 864 yards after FOUR games. There you go.

How 'bout them Wolverines! Jim Harbaugh has got Big Blue cranking! Check this out, Mary-land had 76 passing yards with three picks and 29 yards on the ground. This is like the gold standard of offensive suck. If NCSU had played Mary-Land yesterday it woulda been a good game...unfortunately. Anyway I am really looking forward to Michigan/Michigan State!

But the week's suckiest suckfest was not in College Park, oh no, it was in Illinois somewhere (not a clue where U of I is, Urbana maybe?). Nebraska had the ball leading 13-7 and Illinois has no timeouts. All the Cornhuskers need do is take a knee a couple of times and game over. But what do they do? Why pass the ball of course...TWICE. The Illini get the ball back on downs and score winning 14-13. Well done coach. You want to know what's wrong with Nebraska? Sports management that's what. Those idiots took a league like the Big 8 with great football and great basketball and fuqed it all up. No more Oklahoma v Nebraska. The thing is Nebraska is NOT a Big Ten school and they know it. They are lost. They have no identity now. Oh well, they still got those hot farm girls LOL!

Ohio State won and Michigan State won, both ugly. TCU beat Texas like a drum (lots of problems in Austin), Baylor took no chances with Texas Tech and jumped on them early (well done coach), UCLA went down to Arizona State and what about poor Georgia? They were favorites over Alabama between the hedgerows but just could not overcome these disadvantages! The Tide killed them. Northwestern rolled and is undefeated along with the Iowa Hawkeyes who beat a pretty good Wisconsin team on the road.

In local action (local to me of course, who gives a shit where you are) my WolfPack, after putting up big numbers against chump competition played a bruised and batter (but talented) Lewis-ville squad and got their ass kicked. We came in ranked 16th nationwide in rushing offense, we got 45 yards yesterday. Add in a couple of big turnovers which resulted in at least a 14 point swing and, well we stunk. That is all.

UNC came back against Ga. Tech. I heard a bit of this game on the radio and I though Tech had it. Very disappointed in this game. The U lost to friggin' Cincinnati for Pete's sake! So long perfect record. Duke won, Va. Tech lost and UVA took a personal day (they needed one).


That's it. I wish it would stop raining but it's a good day for hanging around watching football and gettin' jiggy with mama. Now...don't you have somewhere you can go?