I have identified yet another annoying brand of air traveler I despise (can anyone forget the "Headrest Snapper"?), someone I have identified as an "Airline Leaper".
You know the type (perhaps you are the type. Heavens. Not one of my readers). These folks are the ones you hear clicking their seatbelts open long before the jet has come to a complete stop and the captain has extinguished the seatbelt sign. Irrespective of how many rows they are from the door, they leap up into the aisle to retrieve their belongings from the overhead bin and then camp out in the aisle, usually conducting banal cell phone conversation with someone lucky enough to have been contacted with the great news of our subject's arrival. There they stand, uncomfortably violating my personal space (I'm an aisle seat guy) while they stand there seemingly surprised that they cannot immediately exit the airplane. Sit down, Jack. And wait your turn to leave.
Another guy I don't like too much is the business traveler whose doffing of the standard issue sportcoat turns into a matador-like performance in which the (cape) jacket eventually winds up folded neatly into the overhead bin, whilst other passengers patiently await the end of the show so that they might proceed to their seats.
Just thought you'd like to know.
I watched one such leaper get his comeuppance one day as he was pulling his second suitcase down despite two flight attendants telling him to take his seat. The jet lurched forward, he fell backward, one piece of luggage fell on the floor and the other on top of the passenger in front of him. That passenger, a possible WWE performer, jumped immediately into character, picked up both pieces of luggage while still seated, said "here's your luggage a--hole" and flipped them back handed into a lovely parabolic trajectory onto the supine leaper. The entire act received a hearty round of applause from the rest of the passengers. Another category you have neglected is the "stuffers". They are the ones who despite warnings in the ticketing and boarding areas choose to bring super-dimensioned items aboard to place in the overhead bins. Then, as they feebly push and pull and try to squeeze these items into the overhead, not unlike Rosie O'Donnel donning a bikini I imagine...hold on...stay down breakfast...sorry...another passenger annoyed by the groin in his face gets up to help. I would like to see a Survivor-like approach to these kinds of passengers where anyone can nominate a passenger for banishment from the plane based on a collective vote. Just a thought. Sorry about the Rosie comment. I need to go take something for nausea.
ReplyDeleteCW - How about the aisle seat guy that doesn't get up so the other two can grab their overhead luggage? Oh, that would be you. Just messing around.
ReplyDeleteMudge - great story.