Friday, June 27, 2014

The Hammer's World Cup Update for the Indomitable American

Well, the group stage is over and the knockout round starts tomorrow, and I have some crow to eat so let's get at it.

My recent predictions proved more wrong than right, but hey, that's why they play the game. The big surprises were perennial powerhouses England, Italy and defending champion Spain all stomped all over the peckers to an early and mortifying exit. Three of the most talented teams in the world (at least on paper) posted a combined total of 7 points out of a possible 27. Milano's La Gazzeta dello Sport said it all:  "Way to go lads,  NOW STAY GONE!" 

This was a great shock to European pride (arrogance might be a better word) but thems the breaks. All is not lost however as Germany, Holland and France are doing well and the Belch and Greeks are in so they can't complain too much, unless you're Italian, Spanish or English of course.

The Americans squeaked in through the backdoor on goal differential (too bad Renaldo) so I take back everything I said about Herr Klinsmann. I'm really shocked at how well the Mexicans are playing. The Mexico/Brazil match was probably the best nil all game I've ever seen.

You see you silly Americans, it's about action not scoring, that's one thing you dumbass Americans will never understand. Your granddaddy knew it when baseball was legit, now we gets scores of 12-9 IN THE 6TH INNING! Speaking of baseball the difference between a base hit and a foul is literally milliseconds, and so it is with football (soccer). Check out Robin Van Persie's goal up top, absolutely brilliant!

The overachievers are Chile, Costa Rica and the US. Clint Dempsey has been amazing! We let Portugal steal a draw and we had quite a few opportunities against Germany and could have won that one, but as Ben Hogan said about a very young Jack Nicklaus, "If he knew HOW to win he would have beaten everybody today". At the very least we earned Germany's respect and put the world on notice not to take the Americans lightly. Costa Rica, our qualifying group partner is also looking fantastic! Not bad for a small little Central American country. Small is good (at least that's what I keep telling the wife).

So, next up is the tough-shit-you're-done-don't-let-the-door-hit-you-in-the-ass-on-the-way-out round. The most interesting and the most anticipated (for me anyway) is the Netherlands/Mexico match on Sunday. They've both been playing well and are well matched, should be a great one. The US plays Belgium and I think we might just get by these guys but if we do we'll probably have Argentina and THE MAN himself waiting, Lionel Messi (4 goals in three games for an undefeated side). It'll probably be curtains for us but what the hell, had a good run.

Correction: Last time I wrote on this subject I said Cameroon was called "The Tigers". Must be old age or too much Clemson football but they are of course called "Les Lions Indomptables" (The Indomitable Lions). I'm ashamed and embarrassed by this error and I beg your forgiveness.

Now you know what I know so piss off, I got shit to do.

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