Sunday, November 10, 2013

The Hammer's College Football Roundup: Week 11


Roast duck anyone? The Quack Attack is no more, at least for this year. That's right friends, the mighty Oregon Ducks waddled their way to defeat yesterday against an outstanding Stanford squad deciding the best team out West for 2013. The Cardinal (in reference to the color, not to be confused with ecclesiastics or passeriformes) plucked the Duck for three quarters before the gaggle made a furious run with three touchdowns in the final quarter. But it was too little too late and Oregon's championship aspirations are a dead duck. There will be no heading South for the winter this year as the Ducks get a l'Orange rather than Crimson. The Duck is now a turkey, and that's all the puns I can think of so let's move on.

Holy Mary mother of all football teams (I know, I'm going straight to hell!) Alabama looks incredible. LSU is a great football team and they came ready to play last night, but 'Bama is so danged good, so well coached, so methodical and so unrelenting. Come the fourth quarter the Tide put the brakes on LSU's offense, scored a couple of touchdowns and cruised home to a 38-17 victory. Hey, just another day at the office, and their recruiting class for 2014 is supposed to be GREAT!

The Baylor Bears are looking good scoring three touchdowns in the second quarter and ruining Bob Stoops' and Oklahoma's day. I never liked Stoops, always thought he was overrated. The man is from Iowa for Pete's sake! I ask you, what has ever come from Iowa apart from corn, cows and John Deere tractors that was worth a schei├če? Thank you.

Missouri is 9-1 (this years sleeper), FSU destroyed Wake, OK. St. is 8-1 (proving Sports Illustrated's point) and Fresno State is 9-0 (what's in Fresno anyway(?), it's California without the great weather). Ohio State had a bye week so they're still undefeated but really, who cares? Michigan sucks, the rest of the Big 10 is marginally competitive (Mich. St., WisCONsin, Mini-soooda...PLEASE!). So Ohio State can win out but it don't mean nothing. 

Now let's talk about the underachievers. The Florida Gators have got to be the biggest surprise of the year. They haven't beaten anybody that's really any good, they're on a four game losing streak and still have to play the Gamecocks in Columbia and Florida State in Gainesville (lucky them). So their prospects ain't great. And the thing is they have talent! This team has a ton of potential. These guys were pre-season Top Ten! I don't know maybe Coach Muskrat should bring in some Aaron Hernandez types to get 'em back on track. Anything is better than what's happening now.  

In ACC action (or would a better term be inaction?) Va. Tech got back on track kicking the Miami Hurricanes a new one (FSU took the starch out of their collar, they're done). UVA looked absolutely terrible against a Tar Heel team that just lost one of the best quarterbacks the school has ever had, fifth year senior Bryn Renner. The Wahoos took advantage of the situation by not scoring a point until about 5 minutes to go in the third quarter (insert sarcasm here) and added another touchdown late against the scrubs finally losing 45-14. They suck almost as bad as NCSU who actually took the lead against Duke with eight something to go but then watched as Wallace Wade erupted in a shower of Duke touchdowns. The Pack reeks like cat vomit! Our new coach ain't impressing me. We shoulda known, nothing good ever comes from Chicago including Dave Doeren. Maybe State and Virginia can trade coaches, at this point I'll take anything.       

2 comments:

Mudge said...

Are those tire tracks on that barbecued chicken? You eating road kill again, Hammer?

Mudge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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