President Obama Addresses the Nation

In keeping with my Administrations's policy to do everything possible on the leftist bucket-list, I announce today the opening of Embassies between the Stalinist Totalitarian Regime of Cuba and the United States. Out policies have NOT worked, and I don't care what the umpteen thousands of foreign policy experts on both sides of the isle from George Kennan (father of American Cold War policy) to Averell Harriman to John Foster Dulles to Kissinger to Vance and on and on. They were all idiots. My crack team of people like this genius standing beside me and what's his name over somewhere in Europe giving away the store to the Iranians when Bush THE FOOL wouldn't even talk to them, all concur, we much help Cuban anyway we can.

Now some say our Embassy will be just a big ATM machine to facilitate IMF loans and aid of various kinds (toilet paper being at the top of the list). To them I say so what? Some also say Cuba's embassy and many many consulates in centers of high tech like San Francisco where the local Cuban population is virtually nil, will be just spy nests and listening posts so as to collect data and intelligence and sell it on the open market to whomever has the cash. Again, I say so what? Our government computer systems are so porous some 13 year old in Helsinki could hack in in a day or two so what's the diff?

So, we don't agree with everything the Castro Brothers have done over the years. But we are a little jealous of the reported 9 billion US dollars Fidel has squirreled away in foreign banks. And although he can get a little turbo on occasion, we feel the Cuban model has much to offer to the United States, especially the part about President for life. So I stand her today along with this old white dude and welcome Cuba to the family of nations. (psst, hey Joe, how do you say welcome in Cuban?)