Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Year of the Horse: The Hammer's 2014 Predictions

As you may know the horse has played a major role in my life. I was born in the year of the horse. My high school nickname was "Horse" (with the girls anyway) and I've always been of an equestrian temperament (brave, loyal, trustworthy, sleep while standing up, piss anywhere, and I loves my barley). So with the horse being such a virtuous creature admired throughout the ages, this year I believe we can expect some really good things. So let's get started.

1) Obamacare will continue to be a huge liability for the Democrats. However it will not result in the Republicans retaking the Senate. There are just too many half-baked conservatives in power and it will continue to split the base. And the Democrats have been masters at exploiting the chasm with money as well as focused attacks by the IRS and other government agencies. Sorry, no Senate this go round.

2) As President Obama's troubles mount the press will become more and more partisan and hostile. Since what Jonah Goldberg described as (I paraphrase) one of the biggest lies in American history "If you like your plan you can keep it..." has dragged down Obama's approval rating the left has been extraordinarily coarse with their commentary. It's obvious they feel threatened and I expect this to ramp up to heretofore unseen levels, and don't think it can't get worse.

3) George Soros will die. This is not so much a prediction as a heartfelt wish. Oh...and I hope he burns in Hell too! Take that for coarse.

4) The economy will continue to suck (HUGE prediction there) but the Republicans will cave and cave again on any sort of austerity measures. The good news is in states controlled by REAL Republicans the damage will be mitigated somewhat. Also in some of these Democratic strongholds like Illinois the fit will hit the sham fiscally speaking. I expect them to ask for (and get) a bailout.

5) China and some player in the Far East will have a confrontation. I would guess the Japanese but you never know, there could be a border skirmish on the Sino-Russian border or even a confrontation with the North Koreans. The point is the Chinese want to have a coming out party, a sort of "we're a world power now" debutant ball. They're going to pick a fight with somebody, whom I do nott know. I just hope it isn't Taiwan.

6) Iran will have or be damn close to a theater nuclear capability by the end of 2014, assuming of course John Kerry can keep Israel at bay. Regardless the Middle East will be big in the news this year, and it won't be pretty. Amateurs will get you in trouble every time.

7) In Europe we'll start to see some cracks in the EU and the political integration of the continent. Starting today Britain can no longer keep out Rumanians and Bulgarians. In case you don't know that's where a good part of the gypsy population resides. And know this, everything you've ever heard about gypsies, all the negative stereotype stuff about being thieves and whores you can take to the bank, they are all that and more. Hitler was right on this one, he should have killed them all. Anyway Britain is scared to death the Roma will come in like the locust plague and hollow out the already threadbare welfare state that idiots like David Cameron perpetuate. I say screw 'em, maybe now they'll wake up...but I doubt it.

8) Miley Cyrus will be the new "it" girl of pop music replacing the acutely weird Lady Gaga. I don't have a dog in this hunt but Gaga's ass was the only work of art she was ever near, and I have to say I will miss it. Miley Cyrus is just...pedestrian; she's got the sex appeal of a lawn mower. Now Katy Perry, there's a pop star you could sink your teeth into!

9) Auburn will win the BCS Championship defeating the undefeated Florida State Seminoles. I base this on two factors. One, Auburn is the luckiest team I've seen in a while (check out their last two games) and as Napoleon said, give me generals who are lucky. And two, FSU ain't played nobody.

10) Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson will run for Senate against Mary Landrieu but will lose as campaign season conflicts with duck, deer, wild hog and quail season. However he will still garner 20% of the vote (I'm a Si man myself).

There you have it. I have to be at least as accurate as CW was last year but we'll see. Regardless, good luck in the new year to all.

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