Sunday, August 31, 2014

The Oracle of Tickbite College Football Review: Week 1

Well first off I was gonna commend Virginia for a good showing against UCLA, but CW already beat me to it. It's the first game so who knows, but certainly CW has reconsidered his morbidly pessimistic view of the Wahoos. But it cannot be said CW is a fair-weather fan, he loves those bums. (by the way, take a gander to the left, those Southern California schools still understand what cheerleading is all about don't they? Jesus H. Christ, what feminism has wrought!)

So, now lets get down to it going from low to high. My dearly beloved Wolfpack came back against a pretty good Georgia Southern squad. Georgia Southern you ask, aren't they just a bunch of Div II clowns? Well yes they are, and those clowns have won 6 National Championships and their last outing was in the Swamp where they handed the Flawda Gators an ass whipping. You might recall a few years back another Div II school that cruised into Ann Arbor, Michigan and hung one on the #5 or 6 team in the country before 110,000 admiring fans, so don't discount Div II too much. Speaking of which there was a rematch yesterday that wasn't quite so unexpected, Big Blue beat Appalachian State 52-14. Oh well, ski season is coming up.

In top 25 action I guess the biggest surprise (wouldn't call it an upset) the Lamecocks of South Carolina lost to Texas A&M 52-28 at home. Plus judging by the boxscore it didn't really look close. Spurrier has a great home opener record so this must really be a bummer for the fans. Note to S.C., schedule a donkey first game! It was a tough day all around in the Palmetto State, Clemson lost to Georgia 45-21.

The best game was Wisconsin down in Tigerland against LSU. The Badgers folded the tent in the second half allowing a 17 point rally eventually losing 28-24. So those corn-fed, freckle-faced white boys go home crying in their Budweiser (of which they consume by the pitcher).

Can you believe they have UNC at preseason #23? They beat Jerry Falwell U 56-29 yesterday in Kenan. OK OK, it was just a scrimmage but even still, Liberty shouldn't have scored a point. You know this Carolina corruption thing is not just about sports rivalries. We all hate UNC athletics and justifiably so. They're a bunch of arrogant pricks! They're the kind of people where you know you go to a frat party in Chapel Hill because you got a buddy who knows somebody there and anyway you go and you have a few and you hook up with a smoking hot Tar Hellian coed and you take her upstairs and shag the ass off her and she does tricks you haven't seen since the circus was in town and anyway you call her the next day and it's like, "Who the hell is this? Oh right, was that you?" and the next time you see her she's with some CW looking ponce wearing a Carolina blue blazer and a UNC baseball cap. See what I mean? That dear friends is the Carolina way!

Well that's it, see ya next week.


Anonymous said...

You're going to write about college football but you can't tell the difference between Division II and FBS..I'd even give you Division 1AA

"The Hammer" said...

I was speaking generically dickweed. Div II, FBS, who gives a shit? It's just a bit of fun.

Primary Games Anywho said...

I'm a Ucla fan and it was a good game. Excellent blog. I'll vist again.

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