FLASH: SANDWICH DECLARED RACIST!

You heard right, sandwiches have been declared racist by a Portland area school principal, a Ms. Verenice Gutierrez. One of the many "wise latinas" our country has shamefully exploited for eons, Principal Gutierrez asked the burning question most educators are too afraid to ask: "What about Somali or Hispanic students who might not eat sandwiches?". She courageously singled out the flagrantly provocative PB&J for its inherent cultural insensitivity and bias. Clearly she has a keen eye for the subtleties of pre-adolescent culinary preferences as it relates to "white privilege". We're so lucky to have a person like this teaching our children.