Friday, February 10, 2012

Big Fat Friday Free For All

What's the matter, pal?  Lose three caucuses this week?  Got some problems with the Catholic Church?  Your inherited regime crumbling under the weight of its own decay?  Share.  Get it off your chest.  We're here for you.


Tom de Plume said...

At 8:35 this morning, Chris Wallace on Fox News referred to Hawaii as "Obama's birth state".

Maybe the liberals are right after all and Fox News is full of cr@p,

"The Hammer" said...

We all have issues in our marriage and I would like to share one and solicit comments/suggestions if I may. Here goes, my wife complains about me washing dishes. That's correct friends and neighbors, COMPLAINS that I wash dishes too frequently.

Now I'm not the cleanest guy in the world and some may say I'm slovenly. In my college days I actually left a sink full of dirty dishes for 9 months (the water eventually evaporated); it became a running gag (in every sense of the word). I knew women who wouldn't even go into my apartment (actually lots, for a variety of reasons, but that's another story) so my typically male, filthy bastard credentials are legitimate and well documented.

But in my old age I have repented and I actually do things like raise the toilet seat (sometimes I'm too drunk to hit what I'm aiming at but what the hey). But back to my point, what woman could possible have a problem with a man cleaning? How many women, while having lunch with their little female buddies, in a fancy bistro, drinking mimosas (or some such shit) all on the old man's dime, complain "You know Judy, my Clarence just won't stop cleaning, it drives me crazy!"? Let me take a wild guess: HOW ABOUT FRIGGIN' NONE!! But hell no, not Sgt. Major! According to her, dishwashers are for washing dishes.

And what is particularly galling is the woman didn't know what a dishwasher was until I showed her. I can well remember when she first came to this country from that little podunk nation which shall remain unidentified (hint: it's full of peasants and drunks) and first saw a dishwasher. "What's that?" she said. "That's a dishwasher" I replied. "For what, washing dishes?" "Right, just put the dishes in here, turn the dial and in a couple of hours they're clean." "Begorah and Bejesus" she said. "Just like a lazy useless American to invent something to wash their dishes. See why the World hates you people?"

But that attitude has withered and died. Sgt. Major now embraces technology with the fervency of a government bureaucrat watching porn eight hours a day. She's like a Kung Bushman with something shiny. She's a one woman Cargo Cult worshiping at the alter of Apple. If she could put a micro-processor in a spoon to increase it's functionality, she would. I have created a A5, 4G, 3D HDTV monster, what can I do?

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