Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Citi's Just Not That Into You

I don't doubt this guy's (or gal's) math cred, but his grammar and business writing skills could use a little polishing. A rejected Citi Summer Analyst applicant responds to the indignity:

From: [redacted]
Sent: Monday, February 14, 2011 11:55am
To: [redacted at Citi]
Subject: Re: Citi Sales, Trading & Quantitative Analysis Summer Analyst Program

Hi [redacted]:

Thank you so much for replying to my email!!!

Ah, what a pity I missed one of the most prestigious bank in the world, and what a pity citi-group missed a mathematics genius like me, the smartest student ever in the engineering department, the one who beaten math majors in the most difficult competition in the world like idiots, and the one who astutely points out the mars existing in the Gaussian Copula and made proper corrections on it!! [Redacted]'s stupidity can surely not appreciate my conspicuously superior intellectuality. Woe to the fatuous decision, yet I humbly accpet!

Best of luck with citi-bank, and I sincerely hope the trading can still flourish with those incompetent workers, with those preposterous foreclosures and ludicrous CDO's, with those avaricious vampires drying the blood of tens of thousands of poor languishing in loans and poverty! Woe!

Woe indeed. How could Citi have missed the smartest student evah in the engineering department? Just ask his mother!

As my son approaches his teenage years, and prepares to confront the ultimate mystery of the cosmos - women - I hope to impart the following advice that has eluded so many well-intentioned fellows (including his father). That is, never, EVER pour your heart out in writing. If you need to say it - say it - in as few words as possible. You can always deny it later or claim you were misinterpreted. The "oh yeah, you didn't dump me, I dumped you!" letter is just bad form. And besides, it can now be reproduced in a blog so the world can see what a blathering idiot you are.


The Conservative Wahoo said...

Phenomenal advice...

Doc Milnamo said...

This person wasn't an English Major either I take it.

BigFred said...

I am leaning towards not an English as a first language person either.

"The Hammer" said...

What's that stuff about Alpha Centauri (or whatever) all about? You don't think this guy is an "Ancient Alien" or something like on the History Channel do you? This is getting real spooky.

Newer Post Older Post Home