Sunday, September 6, 2015

The Hammer's College Football Review: Week 1

Now, let's say you're heading to the West Coast to get even against one of those Beach Boy teams out there, whatta you do? First thing is realize who it is you're playing. The West Coast is a different country almost. Every week they watch ESPN and it's all east coast, mid-west, SEC. They've got a bit of a chip on their shoulder, therefore they are highly motivated. So you have to take the wind out of their sails first series. Knock 'em in the mouth, tell 'em you hate everything California including the weather but you do like their women of which you intend to wade into up to your gonads as soon as you're finished kicking their blue and gold ass. And then do it.
Here's what you don't do. You don't get cute. You don't  show up in uniforms designed by Project Runway. No, you storm out in the darkest, meanest, most intimidating uniforms you got.
Come out in this?
 UCLA sees this.

Another thing, you gentlemen know my thoughts on the sorry state of college cheerleading. Now we've got a real world example of how certain intangibles can affect the outcome of a game. If you're a young guy fighting the good fight, tired and bleeding, what keeps you going down in the trenches?

Something like this?
 Or something like this?
Hot cheerleaders matter! I'm not saying have strippers in cheerleading outfits like 1990's Florida State. What I am saying is the takeover of college cheerleading by hardcore gymnasts is bad for the sport and certainly ain't doing anything for lecherous old bastards like me.

Ok, editorial over, let's get cracking. Since we're talking UCLA/Virginia let's get it out of the way. UCLA's quarterback had a career game yesterday, so the hype was true. Josh Rosen threw for 350 yards, 3 touchdowns while completing 80% of his passes, all against a veteran secondary. Particularly embarrassing for the Wahoos, this was HIS FIRST GAME! UCLA's leading receiver only had about 60 yards so it was a well balance attack.
Ok enough's enough, it's over. Maybe next year... but shit, these clowns made the league look bad. Maybe Va. Tech can regain the ACC a little pride Monday night against OSU.

In other action this was tuneup week so no big surprises. Everybody keeps talking about Stanford's loss to Northwestern but damn, same old same old. Stanford always did run hot and cold. They beat teams they're suppose to lose to and lose to teams they're supposed to beat. It's in the DNA.
Bobby Petrino at Lewis-ville needs clock management remediation but then again his judgement always did suck...riding on a Harley with a 25 year old hottie (too friggin' cool!), getting caught (NOT cool at all). Texas A&M looked impressive but they're just like Stanford, they'll probably lose to SMU next week. Notre Dame looked good against a hapless, hopeless Texas and 'Bama looked GREAT!

Well that's it, sorry for being so hard on UVA CW, but it's all in good fun. I'll leave you with the hit of the day.

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