Sunday, September 20, 2015

The Hammer's College Football Roundup: Week 3

Tough day at Ala-Goddamn-bama. When you go through two quarterbacks with three interceptions, add in a couple more turnovers and have plays like this go against you, well you can figure the football gods ain't exactly looking out for you today. Henry got his yardage but Ole Miss was too much for them. On one of the interceptions a defensive back absolutely flattened Tide QB Cooper Bateman on a crackback block. It was a thing of beauty, completely legal, clean hit but it illustrates that when you're on that field you had best be aware of your surroundings otherwise you might lose your smile.
Down the road Auburn didn't do much better. One of the Auburn linebackers this week when asked about LSU's running game said 'no big deal, we got a good front seven and hey man, no sweat, we're on it'. Yeah, sure you are. LSU gashed the War Eagles for 400+ yards on the ground with Fournette racking up an incredible 228. No Eagles here, war or otherwise, just turkeys and the feathers are all over the field (tip of the hat to Hollywood Henderson).

Did you see Stanford kicked Southern Cal's ass in the Coliseum? What did I tell you? Stanford has been doing shit like this since I was in diapers (well the first time I was in diapers). They lose to teams they should kill and beat teams they should get killed by. Don't ever bet a Stanford game! The Trojans were giving 10 and lost by 10. Next week it'll probably be the exact opposite.
Misery had a tough time against friggin' piss-ass UConn winning 9-6. Didn't see anything about the game really but the Tigers got a safety first quarter and a third quarter touchdown to UConn's two field goals. Sounds like they phoned this one in.
Lewisville lost again, this time to Clemson. They showed a little life but they're 0-3. Petrino might need a girlfriend. The Gamecocks got owned by Georgia, they got real quarterback problems in Columbia. Georgia Tech lost to the Irish in South Bend and UCLA snuck by BYU 24-23.
Ohio State looked like crap against Northern Illinois but you know, it's Ohio State. They just went through the motions and got a W. No big deal.

In ACC action I'm pleased to report the Virginia Cavaliers got their first win of the season at home against a powerful William and Mary squad. CW attended the game and apparently thought it was Halloween with the getup he plastered all over Facebook. As you can see he went dressed as either a middle-aged drunk who wandered into WalMart in his pajamas or a young, hip, twenty-something metrosexual looking for a big night out of mimosas in one of Charlottesville's cool clubs. Either way it was a BIG MISS! As we all know CW is a teetotaler, but in terms of fashion maybe he needs a drink. He damn sure needs SOMETHING!
FSU spanked BC, Carolina destroyed Illinois (worried about those guys!) Duke lost to what appears to be a damn fine Northwestern team. Va. Tech beat Purdue and Pitt (ACC MY ASS!) lost to TigerHawk's Iowa (he denies ever having heard of Princeton during football season). The WolfPack won again against ODU in Norfolk. Hey, is Norfolk not the ugliest town in America? I swear I'd rather be stranded in Pyongyang wearing an Uncle Sam outfit than that shithole! Oh well, we got a win.

That's it, now kiss my ass and bring on the pros.

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