Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The (Other) People Have Spoken

Well it's done. The coalition of idiots, leftists and racists has spoken. It seems we are outnumbered. This is reality and we may as well get on board. There's no use crying over spilled milk so we must move forward (somehow that rings familiar). It is perfectly obvious a majority of Americans are desirous of tax increases. As a nation we will very, VERY soon be faced with a debt crisis that will make the financial crisis of four years ago look mild by comparison. We must do something immediately to generate revenues, and I think our esteemed President recognizes this fact (after all, who would know more about debt than Barack Obama).

Therefore I propose an immediate 78% income tax on those making 1 million dollars a year or more starting immediately with no deductions and no exceptions. This will be an across the board tax without regard to how the income is made be it salary, investments, inheritance or gifts. If you get the money anything over and above one million dollars will be taxed at 78%. Unless of course you happen to reach the threshold of 1.2 million dollars, in which case it will graduate up 5% for every 200,000 thousand dollars additional income so on and so forth. There will be no tax tricks allowed;  no delayed compensation or deferred percentage based on market indexes in a year to be named later. No offshore shenanigans, tax attorney parlor tricks or trust fund dodges. The rich must be made to pay "a little more".

For example, let's say a Mr. George Timothy Clooney from Lexington, Kentucky were to hit it big and receive a 20 million dollar windfall. Mr. Clooney's income would be taxed at today's rates with normal deductions up to the first million. After that the next 200k would be taxed at 78%, the next 200k 83% (or 5% more) until we reach a maximum of 98%. Now I'll let you do the math but I can tell you, this will go a long way towards addressing our budget problems. If Mr. Clooney were to say take up residence in a foreign country, and he were to generate income is said country, he would be required to pay his tax as per any citizen of the United States in the tax year it was earned or upon re-entry to the US, in full with interest, otherwise be immediately jailed as a tax scofflaw (I hope that's sufficiently confusing, we are talking taxes after all).

I can hear the cries now. This is insane, crazy, outrageous! No it isn't. The tax rate for the highest incomes in 1944 was 94% with a much lower threshold than I'm proposing and somehow that all worked out for the best. Extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures and I think we can all agree these are not normal times. Now I'm sure you think this is all tongue in cheek, let's have a little fun and games. It's not. I am absolutely serious and I will make my thoughts known to my Congressman Mike McIntyre (D-NC). How could he say no?


Comrade N. Armes said...

Hammer - not so quick. Our Leader can now deal with Putin now that he's no longer accountable to the American electorate (mentally disturbed though it be). We may not need taxes after all once the central authority controls all wealth and equitable distribution. I'm just hoping my local authority allows me to do my labor near my home.

Soren Diaz said...

I've had sex with each of those young starlets and will continue to every day for the next 4 years,

Well, I've been screwed by each of them and will continue being screwed...

"The Hammer" said...

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