Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Problem is the Rednecks

As you may know, by virtue of the fact that I am a Southern white male, I'm a bigoted, racist, cracker redneck. I will never get with the program because I am too stupid, too set in my ways and too resistant to education (indoctrination). What I have achieved in life has not been through my own efforts and hard work, but through the exploitation of a permanent minority underclass created by me and my kind for this very purpose. From this country's inception I have been practicing class warfare against minorities, women, homosexuals and anyone who dared challenge my privileged status. Therefore it is only just that I be ridiculed, taxed, vilified and continually slandered, with impunity, until I either die or succumb to the new political realities and accept the progressive agenda. I will made an example of so as to deter any independent thoughts of so-called liberty and freedom by others who may still cling to the antiquated idea of Constitutional government. I and my culture will be relentlessly mocked, laughed at and libeled in every media outlet be it news, entertainment or sports. I will be destroyed, so that others may be free.

Now before you go off on me about how this is just a paranoid, self-pitying diatribe with no basis in reality, I beg you to look at the evidence. White males in general and Southern white males specifically are under attack. We are the new underclass. But there's a more subtle and insidious purpose here. Let me explain so bear with me.

Let's head North, and I mean really North, to Canada. In the seventies a guy named Rene Levesque started getting a lot of attention calling for Quebec, through a referendum, to leave Canada and form its own country. Quebec is about 80-90% French speaking with their own unique culture as opposed to the rest of Canada which is about 90% English speaking (some provinces more some less). As you might imagine this was a source of lots of consternation but many felt that the French-Canadians (or is it  Canadiens?) had a point so what the heck, let them go. Now something like this can take decades to run it's course with fits and starts but in 1990 something happened, there was a Time Magazine cover:

Separatism, Is Canada Coming Apart?

The gist of the article was yes indeed, Quebec could go its on way but what then happens to Canada? Time's answer was they would eventually be absorbed by the United States of course. WELL! That didn't go over too good in Canuckland. The issue was no longer independence for a culturally different and frankly pain-in-the-ass provence but the very survival of Canada. And one thing every Canadian can agree on is they want no part of the U.S. So, that was the end of that and the separatist movement in Quebec is now a back-burner issue. nevermind that the whole Time story was completely fabricated BS planted by the English speaking Canadian establishment. It served it's purpose and if you want to get something passed in Canada to this very day all you need do is position the issue as Canadian vs. American and shazam, you got yourself a winner.

And so it goes with American politics. Sometimes we are defined by what we are not rather than what we are. In America today there's a lot to be gained by associating conservatism to (supposed) Southern intolerance and backwardness. The South has always been America's whipping boy. Some of the most outrageously ignorant bullshit is spouted from the mouths of people who have never been anywhere close to the South. I myself, as obviously sophisticated and erudite as I may be, have often times been dismissed as a loutish, redneck hick by Northerners only marginally as well educated and worldly as yours truly. But there's a movement afoot to instigate an us against them mentality that transcends issues and is more tribalism than politics. If progressives are successful and can equate conservatism to a Southern racist ideology rooted in bigotry and backwardness long since dead, then it's over. Nobody wants to be called a redneck, unless you already are a redneck.    


Uncle Willie said...

Boy are you a sick redneck puppy. Look around you. See any dumb rednecks? I used to think they were just in the military but since I moved south I find they are all around me. Yeah I moved south to get rid of high taxes and enjoy some better weather. I found it in North Carolina. I also found the worse drivers in the world, south of the ivisible Mason/Dixon line. I have driven motor vehicles in five countries and in 44 of our 50 states and can honestly say the worse drivers are in the mid-south. Turn on headlights at twilight? Not on your life - they wait until it's really dead of night dark. Turn on wipers as soon as it begins to rain - no not me - it might overcharge my electrical system.
Want to play bumper humper? Just follow I-95 south and it won't be long before you find a redneck 18 feet on your butt. It must be a carry over from NASCAR watching. And how 'bout backing in to a parking space? I watched an older dude take over fifteen minutes to back up his pick me up truck into a space he could of pulled into in 12 seconds. They must teach backing in parking in high school because I see at least a third of the students backed in at numerous high school lots.
The rural road situation is a outright sin. Newspapers write up a road fatality as "overcorrected" into the oncoming lane. Why the "overcorrection"? Every rural road in my part of the state has a rut on the road edge which can catch a front wheel and cause an "overcorrection" into an oncoming lane in the opposite direction. I have taken upon myself to notify the DOT on at least 10 occasions, to no avail,
ruts still exist on every rural road in my part of the state.
These are not bright people my redneck friend. They are dumb people who refuse to check other people, other states, other countries how to correct these faults. May the good Lord look after them.

"The Hammer" said...

Hey, we're pretty good at driving around in a circle at 200 mph. But honestly, the worst? I'm sorry, I'd have to say Boston is home to the worst drivers. But I take your point and don't necessarily disagree.
But the bottom line is you chose to come here, nobody forced you. Our view is you fucked up through laziness or apathy or fear, your part of the world and now you come here and immediately start to fuck up our part of the world. I've been to a few countries and I would never be so arrogant or presumptuous as to criticize how the locals did things. I sure they could give a shit what my opinion was good or bad.
So, I'll take this opportunity to remind you the door swings both ways.

Uncle Willie said...

After fourteen years of watching, listening and being among you rednecks I have determined you all are missing the three "C's". Class - culture and common sense, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am not finished trying to educate a few of my closest redneck friends. Hammer, you too could qualify.

"The Hammer" said...

Thank you Wille, I'm always willing to listen. And as they say, you can always tell a Yankee, but you can't tell him much because he already knows it all.

Newer Post Older Post Home