Cross-walk Etiquette

Dear Pedestrian,

Good morning, Sir. I hope you're well this fine day, though from the carefree look on your face this morning at 0645, I would surmise that things are going nicely for you. I'd like to bring up a small matter of commuting etiquette with you if you don't mind. Yes, yes, I know. I'm one of those cretins of carbon who uses his own automobile to get to work in the morning. I realize that I am commuting on a much lower moral plane than you, who burns nothing but calories as you perambulate off to your day's toils.

But, as we are all not so fortunate (or unfortunate) to work within walking distance of our dwellings, some of us continue to drive--and it is with us that you must occasionally share common commuting space. By this, I mean those portions of the roads which you must cross to once again gain access to that which is yours and yours alone--the sidewalk.

Would it be too much to ask that you walk briskly through the crosswalk? Now again, I realize that you have the right of way--doubly so because the little light in the crosswalk regulator tells us that--but would it be too much to ask that you take a moment from the iPod induced reverie to realize that in addition to extending the length of time for my commute (waiting for your glacial stroll across the street), you are exposing yourself unnecessarily long to the hazards associated with sharing horizontal byways with two-ton automobiles? I say this with all due consideration for your health, as not all drivers will be as conscientious as I, sitting there, waiting, watching, turning my head several times to espy other bi-ped commuters. No Sir--you are unnecessarily hazarding yourself and I must protest. Additionally, think of all the additional carbon burned every day all around the country, as motorists sit at cross-walks waiting for the ennobled, protected by law hoofers cluelessly strolling across four lanes of downtown traffic.

Sir--for your sake and the sake of our Mother Earth--I beseech you on this Earth Day--put a little spring in your step as you cross the street. Think globally, act locally.